“You didn’t have to take me to dinner, you know,” Kaden assured me again. Kaden Paolo had been my best friend for years, and he had just turned 26 years old a week ago. Chaos had broken loose for me that day and I had to miss his party. So I promised him I’d take him to eat at Olive Garden, and so there we were that Friday night.
“Yes, I did,” I replied. “If I didn’t keep my promise I’d be an asshole like everyone else I know.” I didn’t even bother to add the Except for you disclaimer, because he, despite being my best friend for years, was not exactly the most reliable, either; and I often found him on my shit list along with family, friends, co-workers, and random passersby who jaywalk during my commute to work. The waiter walked by carrying a tray and little table for another table, and I raised my arm quickly and called after him: “Excuse me, I’d like my check, please!”
Kaden and I sat chatting about work for a few minutes before the waiter came with our bill, tucked nicely into a little leather booklet. “Thank you,” I said to him, before he walked away. We had both demolished our dinners and were in no need of boxes.
“I didn’t mean to order the most expensive thing on the menu,” Kaden apologized, before I even opened the booklet. He adjusted his glasses on his nose like he was nervous. As if I hadn’t looked up what he had ordered on the menu before the waiter took our orders to see if I wanted what he was having.
“My God, will you shut up? I recommended it to you. Shut up and digest your birthday present.” I took up the bill and pulled my card out of my pants pocket, prepared to pay whatever price I owed with my trusty debit card. I opened the bill, and there it was: $26.99 for Kaden’s steak, $16.99 for my shrimp pasta dish, and $0.99 for both of our sodas. Beneath the total of $48.72 was a note, scrawled diagonally on the bottom of the bill sheet in bright red pen:
We have sights set on your friend, Miss Banagher. Snipers. Give me the key and I’ll call them off. Consider this my tip to you.
Marco
Link to buy ($2.00 USD, credit or debit). Not currently available in print.
